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CatChannel.com's Jokes
Do you have a funny cat joke? Share it with us!
| Submitted by Hannah |
| Week of December 29, 2008 | |
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What did the lion say to his friends before they started hunting?
Let's prey |
| Submitted by Maddie |
| Week of December 22, 2008 | |
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Who delivers presents to cats on Christmas Eve?
Santa Claws |
| Submitted by Lacey |
| Week of December 15, 2008 | |
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What is the cat's favorite TV show?
The Daily Mews. |
| Submitted by Jennifer |
| Week of December 8, 2008 | |
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How do cats end a fight?
They hiss and make up. |
| Submitted by Scott |
| Week of December 1, 2008 | |
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What is a cat's favorite island?
Meowi! |
| Submitted by Paul and Saresa |
| Week of November 17, 2008 | |
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What's the one thing cats like about computers?
The mouse. |
| Submitted by Karen |
| Week of November 10, 2008 | |
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What do you use to comb a cat?
A catacomb. |
| Submitted by Julie |
| Week of November 3, 2008 | |
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How many cats can you fit into an empty box?
Only one. After that, the box isn't empty. |
| Submitted by Laurel |
| Week of October 26, 2008 | |
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What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause. |
| Submitted by Alison |
| Week of October 19, 2008 | |
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Why did the cat oil the mouse?
Because it squeaked. |
| Submitted by Laurel |
| Week of October 12, 2008 | |
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Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record. |
| Submitted by Lacey |
| Week of October 5, 2008 | |
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What did the male cat say to the female cat during his proposal?
Will you meowy me? |
| Submitted by Caitlyn |
| Week of Sept. 29, 2008 | |
What do you give your cat when he's sick?
Mew-decine! |
| Submitted by Elizabeth |
| Week of Sept. 22, 2008 | |
What did the cat say when he got a booboo?
answer-meowch |
| Submitted by Colin & Jane |
| Week of Sept. 15, 2008 | |
Which pet is a Libraian's best friend?
The Cat-alogue! |
| Submitted by Laura |
| Week of Sept. 8, 2008 | |
What do cats think catnip is?
Purrrfect! |
| Submitted by Emily |
| Week of Sept. 1, 2008 | |
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs! |
| Submitted by anonymous |
| Week of Aug. 25, 2008 | |
What is a cat's favorite sport to play?
"HAIR-BALL!" |
| Submitted by Delores |
| Week of Aug. 18, 2008 | |
Why do cats go on the internet?
To go on mewtube!!!!!!! |
| Submitted by Liz |
| Week of Aug. 4, 2008 | |
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What kind of math do cats do best?
Meow-tiplication! |
| Submitted by Gabrielle |
| Week of July 28, 2008 | |
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Where do cats go for a date?
To the meovies. |
| Submitted by Thomas |
| Week of July 21, 2008 | |
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What did one cat say to another cat during dinner?
How's the feather? |
| Submitted by Rusty Jack SuperCat |
| Week of July 14, 2008 | |
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What is a cat's favorite TV show?
The Evening Mews |
| Submitted by Michelle |
| Week of July 7, 2008 | |
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How does a cat use a VCR?
By pressing the "PAWS" button. |
| Submitted by Laura |
| Week of June 30, 2008 | |
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What plant is most common in a cat lover's home?
The cattail! |
| Submitted by Elizabeth |
| Week of June 23, 2008 | |
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What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws, and the other has the clause before the pause! |
| Submitted by Xu |
| Week of June 16, 2008 | |
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What operation do desperately overweight cats use to slim down?
A cat-nip and tuck |
| Submitted by Shari |
| Week of June 9, 2008 | |
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What is a cat's favorite movie?
"The Sound of Mewsic" |
| Submitted by Justin |
| Week of May 26, 2008 | |
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What do you call it when a cat moves up in life?
Purrgression. |
| Submitted by Carrie |
| Week of May 19, 2008 | |
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Why did the cat cross the road?
He was chasing the chicken! |
| Submitted by Mackenzie |
| Week of May 12, 2008 | |
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If I play baseball, and you play basketball, what do cats play?
Hairball! |
| Submitted by Rose |
| Week of May 5, 2008 | |
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How do you spell mousetrap with only three letters?
C-A-T |
| Submitted by Magda |
| Week of April 28, 2008 | |
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Where is one place your cat can sit, but you can't?
Your lap. |
| Submitted by Coral |
| Week of April 21, 2008 | |
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Who helped Cinderella's cat go to the ball?
Her furry godmother! |
| Submitted by Ashley |
| Week of April 14, 2008 | |
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A man visits his doctor and says, "I’ve been feeling like a cat lately."
The doctor looks concerned and responds, "How long have you been feeling this way?"
The man replies, "Since I was a kitten!" |
| Submitted by Monica |
| Week of March 31, 2008 | |
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What is a cat's way of keeping law and order?
Claw Enforcement |
| Submitted by Vida |
| Week of March 24, 2008 | |
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of lemon juice?
A sourpuss! |
| Submitted by Bailey |
| Week of March 17, 2008 | |
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What is a cats favorite dessert?
Mice cream! |
| Submitted by Shelli |
| Week of March 10, 2008 | |
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What did the cat say when when the dog ran away?
Dog gone. |
| Submitted by Jenny |
| Week of March 3, 2008 | |
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What do cats drink from when they are in outer space?
Flying saucers! |
| Submitted by Tara |
| Week of Feb. 25, 2008 | |
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Why are cats such good singers?
Because they're very mewsical. |
| Submitted by Christopher |
| Week of Feb. 11, 2008 | |
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Mr. Mouse calls home and says, "Honey, I'm going to be late".
"Another long day at the office?" replied his wife.
"No, cat's got my tail!" replied Mr. Mouse. |
| Submitted by Dana |
| Week of January 28, 2008 | |
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What do a cat at the beach and a cat at the North Pole have in common?
They both have Sandy Claws! |
| Submitted by Todd |
| Week of January 21, 2008 | |
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Why did the cat run from the tree?
Because the tree barked! |
| Submitted by Elizabeth |
| Week of January 7, 2008 | |
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What is a cat's favorite household appliance?
The can o-purr-ner, of course. |
| Submitted by Brooke |
| Week of December 31, 2007 | |
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Why did the owner of an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering. |
| Submitted by April |
| Week of December 17, 2007 | |
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While on vacation in the Savannah, Mr. Manx and Ms. Munchkin stopped to admire the Siamese jewelry. Along came a Himalayan, who recommended the next stall over, which sold delicious pastries, like a strawberry-filled Scottish Fold. She turned to the others and asked what the best way to travel to the Sphinx was. They replied, "Try taking the Turkish Van!" |
| Submitted by April |
| Week of December 10, 2007 | |
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A Persian, a Russian Blue and a tabby cat walked into a bar.
After several hours of laughing and drinking, the tabby passed out.
When it came to closing time, he still hadn't woken up.
The Russian Blue turned to the Persian and said, "Who's gonna pay?" The Persian said, "I'll pick up the tab if you pick up the tabby!" |
| Submitted by Nealy |
| Week of December 3, 2007 | |
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A tomcat was heard running up and down the
alley and meowing for hours. A neighbor called the cat's owner and
asked what was happening. The owner said, "Well,
I had him fixed today, and he's going around
canceling all his engagements." |
| Submitted by Marguerite |
| Week of November 26, 2007 | |
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A woman was clipping weeds in her garden. Suddenly, she heard a loud meow. She looked down and realized she had accidentally clipped off her cat's tail! She picked up the cat and the separated tail, jumped into her car and drove to Wal-Mart. When she was later asked why she went to Wal-Mart and not to the vet, she exclaimed, "Well, Wal-Mart the nation's largest retailer!” |
| Submitted by Coral |
| Week of November 19, 2007 | |
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When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
When you're a mouse. |
| Submitted by Rebecca |
| Week of November 12, 2007 | |
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Which side of the cat has the most fur?
The OUT-side. |
| Submitted by Karen |
| Week of October 27, 2007 | |
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What is The cat's favorite magazine besides Cat Fancy?
Good Mousekeeping! |
| Submitted by Janet |
| Week of September 24, 2007 | |
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Why do cats make terrible story tellers?
They only have one tale. |
| Submitted by Danielle |
| Week of September 17, 2007 | |
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A man runs into the vet clinic with his dog. The doctor says "What seems to be the problem?" The man, frantic, says, "Well, he just isn't acting right, Doc. Can you do something for him?" At this point, a cat comes sauntering into the room. The cat walks in a circle around the dog, checking him out. "Oh, don't mind him, that's my cat", says the doctor. "Anyway, your dog seems to be okay now. Take these pills and give them to him once a day. Call if you have any more problems."
Well, the dog recovered nicely. A few days later, the man receives the vet's bill in the mail. $10.00 for medicine, $450.00 for lab tests.
The man rushes to the phone-calls the doctor.
"Doctor! This bill! I'm sure you didn't run any lab tests! I don't understand! What's the $450.00 for??"
The doctor replies, "Oh, sure, that's for the cat scan." |
| Submitted by Becky |
| Week of June 4, 2007 | |
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies |
| Submitted by Jeanette and Lelu |
| Week of May 28, 2007 | |
| To be posted low on the refrigerator door, about nose height:
Dear Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake claim for it becoming your food and plate, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR, and it is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom of the stairs is not a game. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Cats can curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out to the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – feline attendance is not required.
Sincerely,
Your Owner |
| Submitted by Bruce |
| Week of May 21, 2007 | |
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Did you hear about the cat that drank five bowls of water?
He set a new lap record. |
| Submitted by Janet |
| Week of May 14, 2007 | |
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Why did the cat run from the tree?
Because it was afraid of the bark! |
| Submitted by Lyz |
| Week of May 7, 2007 | |
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Law of Cat Inertia:
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force — such as the opening of cat food or a nearby scurrying mouse. |
| Submitted by Darla |
| Week of April 30, 2007 | |
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Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. |
| Submitted by Elizabeth |
| Week of April 23, 2007 | |
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A Cat's Motto: "No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look as if the dog did it." |
| Submitted by Elizabeth |
| Week of April 16, 2007 | |
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A Dog Thinks, "Hey, those people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice, warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be gods!" A Cat Thinks, "Hey, those people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice, warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a god." |
| Submitted by Cathy |
| Week of April 9, 2007 | |
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What did the Italian cat say about the spaghetti and meatballs?
It's purrfecto!!! |
| Submitted by Elizabeth |
| Week of April 2, 2007 | |
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How is cat food sold?
Usually purr can |
| Submitted by Melissa |
| Week of March 26, 2007 | |
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What is a cat's favorite position to play in baseball?
Cat-cher! |
| Submitted by Robin |
| Week of March 19, 2007 | |
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Why do smart cats like to play Jeopardy?
They know all the categories! |
| Submitted by Robert and Barbara |
| Week of March 12, 2007 | |
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Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens. |
| Submitted by Elizabeth |
| Week of March 5, 2007 | |
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What is a cat's favorite dessert?
Chocolate mousse! |
| Submitted by Lyz |
| Week of February 26, 2007 | |
A man brought a very limp cat into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the cat on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope, and listened to the cat's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your cat has passed away."
"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"
With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, sniffing the poor cat on the table and checking him out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Woof."
The vet then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, which walked around the poor cat on the table several times and then sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. The veterinarian said, "There's nothing more I can do." He handed the man a bill for $600.
The cat's owner was irate. "$600! Just to tell me my cat is dead? This is outrageous!"
The vet shook his head sadly and explained, "If you had taken my word for it, the cost would have been considerably less,... but with the lab work and the cat scan..." |
| Submitted by Unknown |
| Week of February 19, 2007 | |
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How do cats show you they love you?
From the bottom of their litterbox. |
| Submitted by Kimberly |
| Week of February 12, 2007 | |
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What is a finicky feline's favorite food?
A purr-fect fish! |
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