Recently, I came upon an article that described the skilled jobs that cats are doing these days, such as working as actors or store greeters. Regarding the latter, however, cats don’t like wearing the boutonniere. And it can take all day to catch kitty and get one on her. These are all pretty good gigs. But, I foresee a day when cats will be taking on some very unusual positions. No, not hanging off the bed, paws pointing toward Jersey. I mean some really sophisticated jobs are in the offing for our feline friends. Some predictions:

Therapists
If you’ve ever had a therapist just stare at you, especially when you weren’t being truthful, you know a cat could do this job brilliantly. You will go to an office, and your shrink, say a Persian, will sit opposite you in a chair — perhaps holding a pipe for authenticity. You will tell the cat about your childhood. She’ll stare at you … and stare at you. Finally, you’ll crack and confess, “It’s not my mother I’m angry with. It’s my father, for not being more assertive!” You will hand the cat a check. She won’t know what to do with it. That’s OK. She won’t have understood what you just said, either. But, you’ll still leave feeling better than when you came. (This habit of intense staring will also work well when cats become lawyers and need to do the cross examination.)

Retail Workers
Why do we think cats can only be greeters in stores? Can’t they also work in maybe a delicatessen, in a retail capacity? Just understand, though, if the boss says to a Calico, “Princess, get a couple of Slim Jims for the customers,” it’ll work beautifully. If he sends Princess for some smoked salmon, it may take considerably longer … and have wildly mixed results.

Directors
We know that cats can act, often better than humans. In fact, last month our neighborhood cats did a scene from “West Side Story” that had us owners entranced. Well, I think it was “West Side Story.” It was mostly loud meowing and leaping on each other. But, isn’t it time cats started directing? You know that a cat can get you to do almost anything with the slightest look or sound, right? You don’t even have to say, “What’s my motivation?” You just do it. So, it’s time for cats to do this on a movie set. Plus, last night I watched the film version of “Bewitched.” Yes, your cat can direct better than that.

CEOs
There’s no reason why cats can’t run large corporations. Certainly, unlike recent CEOs, they won’t raid the pension fund or have an affair with employees. Of course, the three-hour midday nap might result in a temporary slump in productivity. But, cats won’t ever send any American jobs overseas. And, knowing how generous they are, their Christmas bonuses will be to die for. So really, what’s a little nap in the face of such decent executive behavior?