Chloe?s Last Day

After coming to a painful decision, I cherish the final hours with my beloved pet.

By Susan Logan | Posted: December 31, 2009, 3 a.m. EST

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When I was home over the Christmas holiday, I had more time to notice how my 19-year-old Ragdoll Chloe spent her days. She whimpered a lot, hid behind furniture, slept most of the time, and when she tried to walk to her food or water, she stumbled and fell quite a bit. I even found her a couple of times lying in her own urine. I decided then that if she lived through the weekend, I would take her to the vet on Monday to have her put to sleep. On Christmas night and the remaining nights I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag so I could snuggle next to her, since she could no longer sleep on the bed.

Monday came and I took the day off work so I could spend as much time with her as possible. I picked her up to hold her on my lap while I tried to read something. I felt such a heaviness over me that it was difficult to stay awake. So I stretched out on the couch, holding Chloe close to me, and fell asleep. We slept that way for four hours. Then the sun shone through my living room window right where she lay. I sat next to her while she basked in the warm sunlight and was comforted knowing she had a pleasant last day.

I fed her and got something to eat myself, did a little work and then put her back on my lap. I read a bit to take my mind off of the painful decision, then I just watched her, trying to take in as much as I could, petting her all the while. In case she could understand, I told her she was more than a great kitty; she was my best friend and I loved her.

I talked to her all the way to the vet and in the waiting room. The vet assured me I was doing the right thing, which comforts me in hindsight. I brought the blanket she had been sleeping on so she would feel more at home and she lay on that while the shot was administered. I kept talking to her and petting her, as she rested her head on my hand. She went to sleep within seconds. Seconds later the vet said she was gone.

This blog is difficult to write as I struggle with feelings of guilt, overwhelming sadness and missing her. Writing it down is supposed to help with the healing process. I hope it somehow helps others who are going through the same painful decision and loss of a beloved pet.

Read more of my blogs at Mewsings.

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Reader Comments

sara    ventura, CA

2/3/2011 11:28:06 AM

My cat Kahlua is about 11 and in very good health, but I know that one day the time will come that I may have to put him down, or he will go on his own. I can't even imagine it. I will be devastated. He is my first cat and I am super attached to him.

Dennis    Elmira, NY

3/1/2010 7:05:26 AM

When I was in college, I had to put down my cat. A next door neighbor had feed him rat poison and his kidneys start to fail. He would not eat. When he drank it would go right through him. This was the hardest thing I had to do in my life. My other cat I had at the time died on his own fro the same thing. The mean neighbor always told us he would get back at us because my mother turned him down. It took me 13 plus years to get another cat because I just didn't trust anybody any more. Now I have two cats in my life and would do anything to keep them safe. I have taught them to walk on leashes and they do not go outside with out my wife or me because of this event that happened to my two other cat. RIP Sneezer (Weezer) and Boots. I love you both and can't wait to see you both in heaven again. My two new cats names are Tiger Costello and Noel Costello. Please go see their Club Cat Profile Pages on Cat Channel.

Faren    Cape Cod, MA

1/21/2010 6:28:56 PM

My 13 year old cat was diagnosed with a cancerous salivary gland tumor last year, and it's been a rough road for me ever since. I've had my cat since I was 10. Now I'm about to be 23, and reading this article assures me I'm not the only one going through the pain of knowing I might lose her very soon. No one else will never know the bond me and her have had over the years. I could not have asked for a better companion. She has impacted not only my life, but my friend's and family's, as well. Thank you for writing this article. I know I can only take it a day at a time and enjoy every last minute with her, and give her the best life a cat could ask for.

Susan    Fort Wayne, IN

1/9/2010 7:05:43 PM

I went through having to put down my 16 year old Tucker one year ago. It was very hard. He was very sick with kidney failure. His passing was not easy as it was not a comfortable death. He was a fighter to the end. I also have 18 year old Tessa. She is showing her age, but is doing fine. A month after I lost Tucker, I adopted a 7 month old tabby Siamese mix from the animal shelter. He has been a joy and has brought life to Tessa and to me. I am now considering adding another young cat so Titus has somebody to play with. Understandably, Tessa isn't too interested in running around. It is never easy losing our babies. They bring such joy and comfort.

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