Your Cat Questions Answered

Peter takes on cat owners' most pressing and provocative questions about their pets.

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Ever since I started writing about cats, people email me with important questions they want answered. Some of the questions are, “When can you pay me back that money I lent you?” Luckily, a lot more are actually about cats, such as, “Why do they groom themselves? How come cats are so neat and clean?” One email even seemed to be from a cat … who also wanted to know when I could repay her. In any case, here are some of the more unusual cat questions I received followed by my even more unusual answers …

Q: Is it true that scientists can predetermine a cat’s sex now?  
A: Yes! A nature institute and a biotechnology company have developed a process that allows the sex of cats to be chosen before they’re born, which helps to save certain endangered species. Now, if you actually are asking if it’s possible to predetermine how much sex a cat can have now, that’s a different question entirely. As with humans, it all depends on how cute the cat is. However, if a certain cat has a line such as, “Hey there Gorgeous, did you know I might become extinct soon?" (No.) “Well, you want to help save an endangered species?” That might help them score, too.

Q: My cat seems to enjoy watching TV. Am I imagining this?
A: Not at all. According to recent studies, cats love TV. They even have been known to claw the screen when other animals appear. Generally, though, cats don’t like racy stuff.

Q: Is it crazy to dance with your cat?
A: No. Many owners report a pleasant, dizzy sensation, after dancing with their cat. Go for it. But don’t get too into this activity. If you start performing, “You’re The One That I Want,” and put an Olivia Newton-John wig on your cat, your next question better be, “How can I stop dancing with my cat?"

Q: Do cats dream?
A: Yes. I read an article online that said cats dream about food, sex, games they’ve seen on TV and sleep. Very much, the writer noted, like most American husbands. The article was on a feminist website, so take this with a grain of salt.

Q: My cat jumps on the piano keys often. Is she trying to play?
A: There are different schools of thought about this. While certain experts feel cats can learn musical instruments (there’s a theory that The Sex Pistols’ album was actually played by cats), some people think a cat walking across the keys is simply going somewhere else. There’s obviously a wide spectrum of difference between these two schools. You can decide.

Have more wacky cat questions for our humor columnist? Email them to him at

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Reader Comments

Janet    Bethlehem, PA

5/10/2013 7:53:09 AM

good article, thanks

Shelby Larason    Oakdale, MN

2/13/2011 11:43:51 AM

i saved a kitty from being uthenized at 5 weeks old. my concern is that he has been getting ill thoughout his now, 9 months of his life, we have had every test done on him, and all come back ok, or negative. recently, this last past week he developed a temperature of 105, which has been treated, along with runny and mucky eyes, and his appetite has decreased alot with weight loss. his highest weight has been up to 5lbs 11 ounces. he now weighs 4 lbs 14 and 1/2 ounces. the only thing we have not had done is an ultrasound, which we plan on doing in march to see if they can see anything from results of that.currently over the past week, he has ran a high fever of 105 along within the last three days his eyes look very foggy, like a cataract is forming in both eyes, was told by the vet that the high fevers may be to blame, but he actually seems to be going blind, if not fully blind now within the past two days! he gets fluids every other day administered at our vets office. he is currently on prednisolone, metronytizole, and neo poly dex ointment for his mucky eye problem.also had a pennicillin shot yesterday. we are highly concerned for his over all continuing health problems.
i was curious to know if you may be able to read this and have any input, information, or any suggestions for me about my kitty cat? Please help me with suggestions, I am desperate for all and any information about all of his issues. thank you. please respond!
Shelby Larason, Oakdale, MN
Posted: 2/13/2011 11:34:36 AM

Brandy    Bloomington, MN

11/16/2008 11:32:07 AM

My cat likes to lick the outside of my hand. If I hide my hand he finds it. Why would he do this. I heard somewhere that it could mean he is lacking some vitamin. Is that true?

Lori    Port Charlotte, FL

2/21/2007 2:52:55 AM

Your answers are hilarious!! I enjoy reading your work. Thanks for the info and laughs.

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