CatChannel.com's Jokes

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Submitted by 
CatChannel Editors
Week of June 10, 2011
Where do cats do their shopping?
In a cat-alog!

Submitted by 
Lori
Week of February 14, 2011
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs

Submitted by 
Ashley
Week of January 31, 2011
What do cats wear in Winter?
Kitten Mittens!

Submitted by 
Riley
Week of September 21, 2010
Where do cats write down notes?
Scratch paper!

Submitted by 
Tasha
Week of September 14, 2010
What do you call a cat who joins the Red Cross?
A first-aid kit!

Submitted by 
Danny
Week of August 7, 2010

What do you call it when a cat bites?
Catnip!

Submitted by 
Karli
Week of July 7, 2010

What did the cat say to the dog after he told a funny joke?
"That's hissssssssssterical!"

Submitted by 
Emily B
Week of June 7, 2010

What do you call a cat dressed in a dress and high heels?
Foxy cat.

Submitted by Branson
Week of May 31, 2010

What do kittens do at camp?
Tell tall tales.

Submitted by Bev
Week of May 24, 2010

Why wouldn't the cat dance?
He had two left feet.

Submitted by Amy
Week of May 17, 2010

What is a cat's favorite magazine?
Good Mousekeeping


Submitted by Ellie
Week of May 10, 2010

Where do cats go to listen to music?
The House of Mews!


Submitted by Ivanna
Week of May 3, 2010

What do cats read every day?
The Daily Mews!



Submitted by Mari
Week of April 26, 2010

What is the most talkative cat breed?
The Egyptian Meow!


Submitted by Beverly
Week of April 19, 2010

What do kittens study in school?
Hiss-tory and mew-sic


Submitted by Angela
Week of April 12, 2010

What do you get when you cross a cat with a string of yarn?
Kitten mittens!


Submitted by Jessica
Week of April 5, 2010

Why was the mama cat so grumpy?
She was going through meno-paws!


Submitted by Ashley
Week of March 29, 2010

What do you get when you cross a cat and a canary?
Shredded Tweat!


Submitted by Jim and Sarah
Week of March 8, 2010

What is a cat's favorite board game?
Mouse Trap


Submitted by Bev
Week of March 1, 2010

What would Neil Armstrong have said if he'd taken a cat with him to the moon?
"That's one small step for a Manx; one giant leap for feline."


Submitted by Lena
Week of Feb. 22, 2010

Who is the most popular singer for cats?
Kitty Gaga


Submitted by Jambura family
Week of Feb. 15, 2010

What's a cat's favorite movie?
"High School Mewsical!"


Submitted by Janet
Week of Feb. 1, 2010

Where does a cat who has lost his tail go?
A retail store!


Submitted by Robert
Week of Jan. 25, 2010

What did the cat say when his friend told him that he could catch a mouse with one paw?
"You have got to be kitten me."


Submitted by Amy
Week of Jan. 11, 2010

What do you call a ginger cat that has been drinking too much ginger ale?
A ginger pale


Submitted by Sarah
Week of Jan. 4, 2010

What do you call a cat who likes to dig in the sand?
Sandy Paws


Submitted by Romi
Week of Dec. 28, 2009

How does the cat get its own way?
By being purr-suasive.


Submitted by LoLa
Week of Dec. 21, 2009

What do cat call their BFFs?
Best Fur-einds Fur-ever


Submitted by Angela
Week of Dec. 7, 2009

What do you call a cat who is a citizen of the United States?
A-meow-ican shorthair


Submitted by Tammy
Week of Nov. 30, 2009

What do cats eat at the movies?
Kittle corn!


Submitted by Jade
Week of Nov. 23, 2009

Why are cats good singers?
They love MEW-sic.


Submitted by Mark
Week of Nov. 16, 2009

There were four cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many cats were left?
None. They were all copy cats!


Submitted by Beverly
Week of Nov. 2, 2009

Why was the tuxedo cat so sad?
He was all dressed up with no place to go!


Submitted by Deborah
Week of Oct. 26, 2009

Cat 1: Knock-knock
Cat 2: Who's there?
Cat 3: Who cares? Let the dog get it!


Submitted by Samantha
Week of Oct. 19, 2009

What is a cat's favorite patriotic song?
God Bless A-meow-ica


Submitted by Mark
Week of Oct. 5, 2009

What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese?
He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath!


Submitted by Shelley
Week of Sept. 28, 2009

How do cats keep their accounts secure on CatChannel?
They keep a paws-word.


Submitted by Sherry
Week of Sept. 21, 2009

What is a cat's favorite San Francisco treat?
Mice-a-Roni


Submitted by Gary
Week of Sept. 15, 2009

What does a cat read while using the restroom?
Kitty litterature


Submitted by Stacy
Week of Sept. 7, 2009
What  body part of cats is quietest?
His whispers!

Submitted by Julie
Week of August 31, 2009

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?
The purrpatrator.


Submitted by Kami
Week of August 24, 2009

What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner?
Chain litter.


Submitted by Alina
Week of August 17, 2009

What is a cat's favorite subject?
Meow-sic


Submitted by Beverly
Week of August 4, 2009

Why did the tiger join the army?
To earn his stripes.


Submitted by Jackie
Week of July 27, 2009

Why did the cat put an M in the freezer?
To turn the ice into mice!

Submitted by Melody
Week of July 20, 2009

What happen when a cat loses a bet?
He comes out in a dog costume!


Submitted by Kristy
Week of July 13, 2009

Why do cats make terrible storytellers?
Because they only have one tail.


Submitted by John and Heather
Week of July 6, 2009

Why can't leopards ever hide?
Because they are always spotted!


Submitted by Taylor
Week of June 29, 2009

What cat loves to go bowling?
An alley cat


Submitted by Beverly
Week of June 8, 2009

Why was the cats' bake sale such a huge success?
Everything was made from "scratch."


Submitted by Alex
Week of June 1, 2009

What did the magical kitty say to the audience?
"I am now going to paw this person in half!"


Submitted by Rachel and Nicole
Week of May 18, 2009

Why did the cat cross the road?
To get to the chicken on the other side!


Submitted by Samantha
Week of May 11, 2009

What did the cat say when he was making a joke?
Just kitten!


Submitted by Bev
Week of May 4, 2009

Why did the cat get fired?
The boss caught Himalayan on the job.


Submitted by Melissa
Week of April 27, 2009

How can you tell if a cat can count?
Ask him what 1 minus 1 is and see if he says nothing!


Submitted by Melody
Week of April 20, 2009

Why did the cat cross the kitchen?
To get to his food bowl.


Submitted by Beverly
Week of April 13, 2009

How do you know when your gourmet meal was a flop?
The cat tries to cover it.


Submitted by Madeline
Week of April 6, 2009

Why did the cat take so long to finish his painting?
Because he was a purr-fectionist!


Submitted by Liz
Week of March 30, 2009

What do English cats drink in the afternoon?
Kit-tea


Submitted by Ann
Week of March 23, 2009

How do you find the best seat in the house?
All you have to do is move the cat.


Submitted by Jodi
Week of March 9, 2009

Why are cats like potato chips?
Because you just can't have one!


Submitted by Todd
Week of March 2, 2009

What did the cat say to the tree?
"Don't make me come up there!"


Submitted by Sam
Week of February 23, 2009

Why was the scratching post hot?
It had cat-scratch fever!


Submitted by Jennifer
Week of February 17, 2009

What kind of cheese do cats like?
String cheese


Submitted by Courtnielee
Week of February 10, 2009

What test did the doctor order for the cat?
A cat scan


Submitted by Caitlyn
Week of February 2, 2009

What do cat actors say on stage?
"Tabby or not tabby!"


Submitted by Hannah
Week of January 26, 2009

What is a cat's favorite song?
"Three Blind Mice"


Submitted by Beverly
Week of January 19, 2009

Why did the cat go to nursing school?
So she could become a first-aid kit.


Submitted by Danielle
Week of January 12, 2009

Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't?
Your lap.


Submitted by Amanda
Week of January 5, 2009

Why did the cats sell their homes?
Because the neighborhood had gone to the dogs!


Submitted by Hannah
Week of December 29, 2008

What did the lion say to his friends before they started hunting?
Let's prey


Submitted by Maddie
Week of December 22, 2008

Who delivers presents to cats on Christmas Eve?
Santa Claws


Submitted by Lacey
Week of December 15, 2008

What is the cat's favorite TV show?
The Daily Mews.


Submitted by Jennifer
Week of December 8, 2008

How do cats end a fight?
They hiss and make up.


Submitted by Scott
Week of December 1, 2008

What is a cat's favorite island?
Meowi! 


Submitted by Paul and Saresa
Week of November 17, 2008

What's the one thing cats like about computers?
The mouse. 


Submitted by Karen
Week of November 10, 2008

What do you use to comb a cat?
A catacomb. 


Submitted by Julie
Week of November 3, 2008

How many cats can you fit into an empty box?
Only one. After that, the box isn't empty. 


Submitted by Laurel
Week of October 26, 2008

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.


Submitted by Alison
Week of October 19, 2008

Why did the cat oil the mouse?
Because it squeaked.


Submitted by Laurel
Week of October 12, 2008

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.


Submitted by Lacey
Week of October 5, 2008

What did the male cat say to the female cat during his proposal?
Will you meowy me?


Submitted by Caitlyn
Week of Sept. 29, 2008
What do you give your cat when he's sick?
Mew-decine!

Submitted by Elizabeth
Week of Sept. 22, 2008
What did the cat say when he got a booboo?
answer-meowch

Submitted by Colin & Jane
Week of Sept. 15, 2008
Which pet is a Libraian's best friend?
The Cat-alogue!

Submitted by Laura
Week of Sept. 8, 2008
What do cats think catnip is?
Purrrfect!

Submitted by Emily
Week of Sept. 1, 2008
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs!

Submitted by anonymous
Week of Aug. 25, 2008
What is a cat's favorite sport to play?
"HAIR-BALL!"

Submitted by Delores
Week of Aug. 18, 2008
Why do cats go on the internet?
To go on mewtube!!!!!!!

Submitted by Liz
Week of Aug. 4, 2008

What kind of math do cats do best?
Meow-tiplication!


Submitted by Gabrielle
Week of July 28, 2008

Where do cats go for a date?
To the meovies.


Submitted by Thomas
Week of July 21, 2008

What did one cat say to another cat during dinner?
How's the feather?


Submitted by  Rusty Jack SuperCat
Week of July 14, 2008

What is a cat's favorite TV show?
The Evening Mews


Submitted by  Michelle
Week of July 7, 2008

How does a cat use a VCR?
By pressing the "PAWS" button.


Submitted by Laura
Week of June 30, 2008

What plant is most common in a cat lover's home?
The cattail!


Submitted by Elizabeth
Week of June 23, 2008

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws, and the other has the clause before the pause!


Submitted by Xu
Week of June 16, 2008

What operation do desperately overweight cats use to slim down?
A cat-nip and tuck


Submitted by Shari
Week of June 9, 2008

What is a cat's favorite movie?
"The Sound of Mewsic"


Submitted by Justin
Week of May 26, 2008

What do you call it when a cat moves up in life?
Purrgression.


Submitted by Carrie
Week of May 19, 2008

Why did the cat cross the road?
He was chasing the chicken!


Submitted by Mackenzie
Week of May 12, 2008

If I play baseball, and you play basketball, what do cats play?
Hairball!


Submitted by Rose
Week of May 5, 2008

How do you spell mousetrap with only three letters?
C-A-T


Submitted by Magda
Week of April 28, 2008

Where is one place your cat can sit, but you can't?
Your lap.


Submitted by Coral
Week of April 21, 2008

Who helped Cinderella's cat go to the ball?
Her furry godmother!


Submitted by Ashley
Week of April 14, 2008

A man visits his doctor and says, "I’ve been feeling like a cat lately."

The doctor looks concerned and responds, "How long have you been feeling this way?"

The man replies, "Since I was a kitten!"


Submitted by Monica
Week of March 31, 2008

What is a cat's way of keeping law and order?
Claw Enforcement


Submitted by Vida
Week of March 24, 2008

What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of lemon juice?
A sourpuss!


Submitted by Bailey
Week of March 17, 2008

What is a cats favorite dessert?
Mice cream!


Submitted by Shelli
Week of March 10, 2008

What did the cat say when when the dog ran away?
Dog gone.


Submitted by Jenny
Week of March 3, 2008

What do cats drink from when they are in outer space?
Flying saucers!


Submitted by Tara
Week of Feb. 25, 2008

Why are cats such good singers?
Because they're very mewsical.


Submitted by Christopher
Week of Feb. 11, 2008

Mr. Mouse calls home and says, "Honey, I'm going to be late". 
 
"Another long day at the office?" replied his wife.
 
"No, cat's got my tail!" replied Mr. Mouse.


Submitted by Dana
Week of January 28, 2008

What do a cat at the beach and a cat at the North Pole have in common?
They both have Sandy Claws!


Submitted by Todd
Week of January 21, 2008

Why did the cat run from the tree?
Because the tree barked!


Submitted by Elizabeth
Week of January 7, 2008

What is a cat's favorite household appliance?
The can o-purr-ner, of course.


Submitted by Brooke
Week of December 31, 2007

Why did the owner of an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.


Submitted by April
Week of December 17, 2007

While on vacation in the Savannah, Mr. Manx and Ms. Munchkin stopped to admire the Siamese jewelry. Along came a Himalayan, who recommended the next stall over, which sold delicious pastries, like a strawberry-filled Scottish Fold. She turned to the others and asked what the best way to travel to the Sphinx was. They replied, "Try taking the Turkish Van!"


Submitted by April
Week of December 10, 2007

A Persian, a Russian Blue and a tabby cat walked into a bar. After several hours of laughing and drinking, the tabby passed out. When it came to closing time, he still hadn't woken up. The Russian Blue turned to the Persian and said, "Who's gonna pay?" The Persian said, "I'll pick up the tab if you pick up the tabby!"


Submitted by Nealy
Week of December 3, 2007

A tomcat was heard running up and down the alley and meowing for hours. A neighbor called the cat's owner and asked what was happening. The owner said, "Well, I had him fixed today, and he's going around canceling all his engagements."


Submitted by Marguerite
Week of November 26, 2007

A woman was clipping weeds in her garden. Suddenly, she heard a loud meow. She looked down and realized she had accidentally clipped off her cat's tail! She picked up the cat and the separated tail, jumped into her car and drove to Wal-Mart. When she was later asked why she went to Wal-Mart and not to the vet, she exclaimed, "Well, Wal-Mart the nation's largest retailer!”


Submitted by Coral
Week of November 19, 2007

When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
When you're a mouse.


Submitted by Rebecca
Week of November 12, 2007

Which side of the cat has the most fur?
The OUT-side.


Submitted by Karen
Week of October 27, 2007

What is The cat's favorite magazine besides Cat Fancy?
Good Mousekeeping!


Submitted by Janet
Week of September 24, 2007

Why do cats make terrible story tellers?
They only have one tale.


Submitted by Danielle
Week of September 17, 2007

A man runs into the vet clinic with his dog. The doctor says "What seems to be the problem?" The man, frantic, says, "Well, he just isn't acting right, Doc. Can you do something for him?" At this point, a cat comes sauntering into the room. The cat walks in a circle around the dog, checking him out. "Oh, don't mind him, that's my cat", says the doctor. "Anyway, your dog seems to be okay now. Take these pills and give them to him once a day. Call if you have any more problems."

Well, the dog recovered nicely. A few days later, the man receives the vet's bill in the mail. $10.00 for medicine, $450.00 for lab tests.

The man rushes to the phone-calls the doctor.

"Doctor! This bill! I'm sure you didn't run any lab tests! I don't understand! What's the $450.00 for??"

The doctor replies, "Oh, sure, that's for the cat scan."


Submitted by Becky
Week of June 4, 2007
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies

Submitted by Jeanette and Lelu
Week of May 28, 2007
To be posted low on the refrigerator door, about nose height:

Dear Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake claim for it becoming your food and plate, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR, and it is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom of the stairs is not a game. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Cats can curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out to the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – feline attendance is not required.

Sincerely,

Your Owner


Submitted by Bruce
Week of May 21, 2007

Did you hear about the cat that drank five bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.


Submitted by Janet
Week of May 14, 2007

Why did the cat run from the tree?
Because it was afraid of the bark!


Submitted by Lyz
Week of May 7, 2007

Law of Cat Inertia:
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force — such as the opening of cat food or a nearby scurrying mouse.


Submitted by Darla
Week of April 30, 2007

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.


Submitted by Elizabeth
Week of April 23, 2007

A Cat's Motto: "No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look as if the dog did it."


Submitted by Elizabeth
Week of April 16, 2007

A Dog Thinks, "Hey, those people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice, warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be gods!"  A Cat Thinks, "Hey, those people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice, warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a god." 


Submitted by Cathy
Week of April 9, 2007

What did the Italian cat say about the spaghetti and meatballs?
It's purrfecto!!!


Submitted by Elizabeth
Week of April 2, 2007

How is cat food sold?
Usually purr can


Submitted by Melissa
Week of March 26, 2007

What is a cat's favorite position to play in baseball?
Cat-cher!


Submitted by Robin
Week of March 19, 2007

Why do smart cats like to play Jeopardy?
They know all the categories!


Submitted by Robert and Barbara
Week of March 12, 2007

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens.


Submitted by Elizabeth
Week of March 5, 2007

What is a cat's favorite dessert?
Chocolate mousse!


Submitted by Lyz
Week of February 26, 2007
A man brought a very limp cat into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the cat on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope, and listened to the cat's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your cat has passed away."

"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"

With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, sniffing the poor cat on the table and checking him out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Woof."

The vet then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, which walked around the poor cat on the table several times and then sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. The veterinarian said, "There's nothing more I can do." He handed the man a bill for $600.

The cat's owner was irate. "$600! Just to tell me my cat is dead? This is outrageous!"

The vet shook his head sadly and explained, "If you had taken my word for it, the cost would have been considerably less,... but with the lab work and the cat scan..."


Submitted by Unknown
Week of February 19, 2007

How do cats show you they love you?
From the bottom of their litterbox.


Submitted by Kimberly
Week of February 12, 2007

What is a finicky feline's favorite food?
A purr-fect fish!

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Reader Comments

Abso    Austin, TX

5/22/2013 3:53:10 PM

I'm not really a joke person but.... some of these are good ones. Good job for the people that didn't cheat!

Maddy    Somewhere, NY

5/20/2012 4:43:23 AM

Haha! These are so cutie :D

pootder    mobile, AL

9/21/2011 11:56:53 AM

I Can Has Cheeseburger?

jacqueline j.    blair, NE

1/31/2011 4:22:09 PM

i love catchannel i go there all the time i have 3 cats oreo,toby, and mittens they love the treats i give them but i ran out of treats so now their mad but i think they'll get over it.

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