Maisie the Cat?s First Birthday Party

Peter Gerstenzang, CatChannel?s humor columnist, dishes on cat birthday party etiquette.

By Peter Gerstenzang

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Being a philosophical kind of guy, I tend to ask some pretty profound questions. Why are we here? What happens after we die? Aren’t enough bad things happening in the world without a Genesis reunion?

The biggest question I’ve asked lately is, “What do you buy a cat for her first birthday?”

I had good reason to wonder. Recently, my friend, Heather, hosted a party for Maisie. Maisie is her calico cat who was turning 1 year old. All of Maisie’s friends were going to be there, so I had to bring something. You know how cats are if you show up at a party empty-handed: You never hear the end of it.

When I arrived at Heather’s, I realized that there were other “big questions” I hadn‘t asked: Have you ever seen five cats wearing little party hats? Have you ever seen them chasing a laser as it moves across the floor? I have. As I came inside, Maisie and her friends were having a ball with this cat toy. Eventually, though, the laser ran up the wall. Maisie tried to do the same. Little was accomplished. That’s when a new present caught her attention.

Heather decided to toss a motorized mouse before Maisie and the other partygoers. Aside from Boris, a tabby who seemed to think the mouse was chasing him and ran the other direction, the other four cats went nuts when this battery-driven rodent squeaked across the floor. This merriment lasted about five minutes. Then, without warning, Cathy, a Siamese, held the mouse down and Maisie bit its head off. The other cats accelerated the carnage and tore the rest of the mock-mouse to pieces. At least until they came upon the batteries: There was a distinct feeling among the cats that they had been scammed.

After the beheading, Maisie and her friends were suffering from low blood sugar (and in Boris’s case low self-esteem). So birthday “cookies” were served. Heather made them with milk, wheat germ and catnip. Lots of nuzzling among the partiers followed. I think I’ll serve some the next time I have a date …

Back to The Cool Cat by CatChanel humor columnist Peter Gerstenzang.

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Reader Comments

Janet    Bethlehem, PA

5/18/2013 8:17:04 AM

good info, thanks

Zach    None, of your business, AL

12/1/2010 11:40:19 AM


sherri    dayton, OH

8/2/2007 11:55:31 AM

Sounds like a great party to me !!!

Baronn    New Canaan, CT

4/26/2007 11:50:58 AM

I actually fell out of my chair laughing at this. One question: When is the next one?

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