Posted: January 1, 2010, 3 a.m. EST
Making New Year’s resolutions is tough. For instance, how do you punish yourself if you break one? Do you impose fines? Slap your own face? It can get so confusing, you’re soon looking at a breakdown of Ann Heche-like proportions. When it comes to Gracie, though, it’s easier. Here are some resolutions I’ll stick to, in the interest of my beloved cat.
- Litter Robot — Gracie is modest. Sometimes she even goes into the bathroom to wash her paws. Maybe it’s a scam, although later I see the hand towels have been moved. But she’s really embarrassed by having to use a litterbox. I resolve to buy her the Litter Robot for more privacy. Gracie will love it. But if she messes with me by attaching a fake tail to its door? Like she’s always in there? I resolve to return it!
- More Cuddling — More cuddling is on the list. There’s been too much time devoted to career, friends, getting ahead. I insist Gracie stop this stuff and cuddle more in 2010.
- New Scratching Post — Must buy one. But I can’t throw out Gracie’s old scratching post, or I’ll have to buy myself a wooden left leg.
- No More Reality Television — No, my cat doesn’t watch it. I’m saying, no more reality television. I don’t like it.
- Car Trips — Take Gracie out more. Don’t ask her again to chip in on gas. I learned that one the hard way. And the facial scratches are fully healed.
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