I don’t pick up on things too quickly. In fact, I’ve only just realized that the TV show “The Waltons” is not on hiatus, it simply is not coming back. So, it’s no wonder it took me a while to figure out what my cat was trying to tell me: That she wanted to be walked outside like my dog.
Well, I finally figured it out. Now, if only someone would tell me when “Gilmore Girls” is returning, I’d be fine.
This all began a month ago. Whenever I would leash up my Golden Retriever, Happy, I’d see Gracie, the cat, turning circles in the living room. Three circles, to be exact. It was like something from the Old Testament meaning the Rapture was approaching. Nervously, I would take Happy outside, only to turn and see Gracie, paws stretched wide across the window. More religious stuff? Was she exhorting us — like a cat preacher telling us what grave dangers loomed ahead?
However, the minute we came back from the walk, and I saw Gracie leap to the window, I figured her motives weren’t religious at all. She was simply telling me she wanted to be walked, too … on a leash. Simple, right?
Nope. I spent several days reading articles about selecting the right leash. This was really hard. Most of the pieces were poorly-written and had no character development or narrative strategy. Many were missing a socko ending. I tried to show Gracie a catalog with pictures of leashes, but she kept tearing up the pages. I understood. I’ve been known to have a similar reaction when forced to shop.
After settling on a harness and collar, I saddled up the dog and cat, and off we went. Now, if you’re familiar with a cat’s walking style versus a dog’s, you know they’re not similar. The two behaved like Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper in “Easy Rider.” Every time mellow Gracie (Fonda) sat in Sphinx mode or wanted to stop and smell a bush for 30 minutes, uptight Happy (Dennis Hopper) would have a hissy fit. With a look on his face that was pure Hopper. “Hurry up, man,” he seemed to say. “This bush-sniffing is a drag.” Of course, if Happy upset his sister too much, she dealt with him smartly by raking her nails across his nose. This always mellowed Happy right out.
Soon we had our act down. And the threesome began having a ball — walking together. I can’t say for sure which was more fun — seeing my dog and my cat walk with military precision or seeing the frightened looks of my neighbors. Were they wondering if this, too, was a religious sign? That a man walking a cat and dog foretold fiery skies or a plague of locusts? Or did they just think I’d lost it and that they should keep their distance?
Who cares? Gracie no longer cries when she sees me saddle up Happy. She knows she’s going, too. All is well again. And if I freak out a few neighbors along the way, well, bonus!
Back to The Cool Cat by CatChanel humor columnist Peter Gerstenzang.